


a waterfall of black and green

by occultisaperta



Series: flowers for my love [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Almost death, Angst, Confessions, Corpse Husband has Hanahaki, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Romance, Self-Doubt, Soulmates, Sykkuno has Hanahaki, sykkuno is too sweet, wanting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28979079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/occultisaperta/pseuds/occultisaperta
Summary: Sykkuno would rather die than drag Corpse down in his love.
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: flowers for my love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119653
Comments: 30
Kudos: 348





	a waterfall of black and green

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.
> 
> \---
> 
> This is Sykkuno's perspective of my other fic (a waterfall of green and black) <3 Thank you so much for the response to this. I actually might post a few more parts to this whole thing, because they still need to navigate through what is going on and how they feel about both of them hiding their feelings <3

I didn't actually know what orchid petals looked like until I coughed one up. It was stuck in my throat, velvety and strangling. I had to get up from the stream and pretend to go to the bathroom so no one would see it happen. I stared at the black petal for a long time, and then stuck it in my hoodie pocket and went back to my computer.

I knew exactly what it was; I knew exactly _who_ it was for. It was for Corpse... which meant that I couldn't throw it away. After the stream, I took the petal that I'd coughed up and the two others that had made their way past my throat and I put them in a shoebox beside my bed. 

After two weeks, I had to move the petals from a shoebox to a packing box because I didn't want them to get crushed pressing against one another, and my chest was starting to ache. But I couldn't throw any of them away or sweep them under the rug. If I'd been anyone else, I might have said it was because I didn't want my friends to know what was happening... but the truth was ~~facelessly~~ staring me in the face and I couldn't really ignore it.

The black petals were probably as close as I would ever get to him.

People didn't like me that way -- for a long time, it had been _girls_ didn't like me that way. When I met Corpse, I had to change my perspective. 

So now it was **people** didn't like me that way, and I didn't think that he would be any exception. I might have managed to make it out of the situation unscathed if it weren't for the fact that he memed with me so much; it was good for views. I knew that. But there were times when he spoke, and his voice was softer than when he talked to other people...

And he called me handsome.

Or he said that I was amazing, that everyone knew that I was amazing.

He paid attention to me, he protected me, he looked out for me -- I didn't realize what the twisting emotions in my chest were until they were already there... and by the time that I started to really _know_ , it was too late.

I knew that it wasn't good for me to watch his streams; it made the petals come faster. But I couldn't stop myself. I was good at pretending. At least, I thought I was good at pretending... but there was a constant thrumming in my mind, a constant _what was he thinking when he said that, when he sounded like that_ that pooled through me. I ended up tracking back in his streams, watching his old content. 

I wanted to get to know him, and even though I knew that he was just a message away, I wasn't confident enough to try it.

And then it didn't matter that he was messaging me, that he was opening up and talking to me. All that mattered was the fact that the coughing came faster. Every time he said something to me, every time he laughed at one of my obviously bad jokes... I had to cover my mouth.

I became very adept at palming petals because the only other option was to stop streaming... and I wasn't going to do that.

That didn't mean that people didn't notice. My friends messaged me -- I had days where I was honestly too exhausted to stream, when I shouldn't have been live at all. There were times when I was so overwhelmed with pain that I had to hop off early.

But there was never a time that I didn't join a stream when Corpse was on, if I had the chance. I knew what was happening to me, but it never came as a thought to my mind to actually _tell_ him what was going on; he was... he was Corpse, he was _everything_. He was what everyone wanted, and I knew that he deserved more than someone who couldn't even manage an entire sentence without stuttering when it came to him.

He deserved someone who would be able to give him everything that he wanted; I saw the kind of pictures that he liked on Twitter (obsessively saw, if I was honest with myself). 

I wasn't a pretty girl.

I wasn't an e-girl.

I wasn't gorgeous in fishnets and makeup and...

The only thing I had were cat ears and flowers slowly filling my lungs and suffocating me... and maybe that would have been enough to make him _say_ that he cared. Because he was _Corpse_ , and he was one of the best people that I'd met. He was my favorite thing about why I'd started streaming.

He would pretend for me, I thought. And then when the flowers kept growing until... well... until they quit growing, he would feel guilty for the fact that he hadn't been able to stop it. That he hadn't done enough to save me.

I was never going to be a reason that Corpse didn't think that he was enough. Ever.

That thought made the decision for me to move to Vegas. I'd been on the fence about it until then. I wasn't sure what I wanted, where I wanted to go. There'd been a small thought about asking my friend group if any of them wanted to make California more affordable by rooming together -- I knew where my mind was going with that one as well. I wanted to see if _Corpse_ wanted someone to move in with him to make California more affordable. But if I did, he would see the petals.

If I did, he would see that it had gone from a small moving box to a large black tote with a yellow lid, and that the black was starting to stain crimson and I still couldn't throw them away.

They were still _his_. And if I had to move away and be alone, I could at least have that part of him with me, even if he didn't realize it. 

I taped the tote up carefully to make sure that none of the petals would fall out and I brought a bag with me so I could save the ones that I coughed up on the way to Nevada. Rae was looking at me strangely by the time that I left, and I gave a small little hiccup and told her that I would be okay. When I coughed and one of the petals started to spill from my lip, I covered my mouth.

I had the sinking suspicion that she'd seen it. She started to say my name... but it didn't matter.

I hung up the call with a quick _I have to go_ , and then...

I went.

And every mile that I put between myself and the object of my affection and pain did nothing to ease what was going on inside of me... but it did make me feel a little better about the fact that there was no way that he would see what happened to me.

There was no way that he would ever know that the flowers had been for him, that my lungs were filling _for him_ , that I was going to eventually choke on the feel of orchid petals in my chest... and if they spilled out of my mouth and sprouted a full plant on my tongue, it would be for _him._

It was all right, though. I didn't mind keeping it a secret, as long as I could _keep it._

Because I knew if I told Toast or Rae they would tell me to confess. And when I refused, they would probably drag me kicking and screaming to a hospital. It wasn't unheard of for people to force others to undergo the surgery to save their friends and family... but I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

Even though I was in pain, and even though I knew that I was dying... there was a part of me that was still so thankful for it. I'd been happier since I'd met him -- more confident. With all of the friends that I made, I felt like people were actually seeing me. Actually caring about me. With Corpse, I felt like someone was actually really _happy_ when I was around.

I'd smiled more, and I'd actually meant it.

My life, at least as far as I saw it, was a fair trade for the feelings that were blossoming just like the flowers in my lungs. 

Maybe it was just the fact that no one had ever really made me feel like this before. I'd said over and over again that girls weren't interested in me. I'd had crushes. I'd cared. I'd _thought_ that maybe I was in love.

But I'd never felt _anything_ close to what happened when I'd met Corpse, and it was a feeling that I wasn't going to give away.

So I packed up, I left, and I told myself that it would be okay. As long as everyone else was okay and no one blamed themselves, it would be okay.

Which was exactly why I tried to choke down the full blossom that was pooling in my throat when Rae called me.

"Sykkuno," her voice was soft, full of concern.

"Oh, hey, Rae. How are you doing?" There was a moment of silence, and I had to fill it before the coughing that I could feel coming decided to fill it for me. "Almost finished getting all of my stuff here. I should even have a bed soon, so that will be nice."

"Sykkuno," her voice was more serious this time, "You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" I managed to get the words out and then covered my mouth to cough, to catch the petal in my hand and hold it against my chest. "I'll only be on the floor for a few more days, so--"

"Sykkuno, I'm not stupid. I know what's happening to you."

"I--"

"Sykkuno, you have to tell Corpse how you feel." Her voice was a little higher than usual, a little faster, "I've been trying to get you two to do it on your own, but you aren't close enough that I can check up on you now. And the last time we talked, you looked pale. You _have_ to tell him."

"Rae, I don't know what you're talking about, I--"

"Sykkuno!" She shouted my name again, and I felt myself shrink in at the tone. She was angry... but I could sense the undercurrent of fear and worry beneath it. Everything that I didn't want. "This is serious, and you don't even know--"

"I have to go. I... you've been a really good friend, Rae. I really appreciate you... m-more than you know." I hung up the phone to the sound of her shouting my name again, and I instantly felt guilty about it. This was exactly what I hadn't wanted... but it was too late now. 

When I coughed again, it was a whole orchid, with half of the petals pulled free... and I knew that it wouldn't be long, anyway. I carefully placed it into the totes in what would be my living room and winced.

The low glow of my computer screen was a temptation that I couldn't resist. It wasn't hard to navigate to his stream. It was easier still to open up to our last Among Us game so I could listen to him talk.

When I coughed again, no petals were missing from the flower that nearly strangled me as it came up. I sat it on my desk instead of adding it to the box -- the box was getting full anyway.

\---

The stream was a few hours long, but I didn't make it through it. My head was feeling light, my chest too tight. I couldn't catch a breath. My sweater was full of flower petals; I stood and swayed on my feet for a moment, but managed to make my way out of the bedroom and to the tote that was waiting in the living room. It was when I started to empty my pockets that I felt myself sway; darkness was eating at the corners of my vision, and when I lost my balance and fell, my hands clutched out at the only thing that I could grab.

Fingers snatched plastic, and a torrent of black petals fell over my body as I fainted.

For a while, there was nothing but thick, fuzzy cotton candy in my skull and breaths that were far too shallow to let me stand -- I was sure that I'd died. When I heard Corpse calling out my name with such wrenching _need_ that it made something in my stomach go tight, I was _positive_ that I was dead.

This had to be Heaven, right? 

There was a shattering sound of glass breaking, heavy footsteps. Grunts of pain... and then...

"Sy!" I couldn't open my eyes; if I did, I was going to wake up and this was all going to be a dream -- my body _hurt_. I couldn't draw in a full breath, but it didn't matter... because I could hear his voice, and it was the best thing that had ever hit my ears because _I'd never heard someone say my name like that._

There was a slipping sound of sliding, and then fingers threading through my hair. If I could have breathed, I might have moaned, or whimpered, or tried to shy away because those fingers felt exactly like I'd imagined when I'd stared at the picture of his hands for hours on end like a love-sick idiot. He pulled me up and pressed me tight to his chest. 

I could hear his heart thundering wildly there, his breath coming in small, shocking waves of gasped anxiety and pain. I could smell the cologne that I'd paid entirely too much money for... but on his shirt, mixed with his warmth, it took on an entirely new scent. 

It was my _favorite_ smell. 

"Bought your cologne, but it smells better on you..." My voice was so small that I was worried he wouldn't hear me. He pushed away from me and I think my small little 'eh' was lost with the shuddering breath that spilled from his chest.

"Sykkuno, what the fuck, why didn't you--" 

I had to interrupt him. I knew he was going to ask questions... and I wasn't sure if I had it in me to explain why I'd left, what he meant to me. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to try to save myself; if he told me _no_ now...

"Probably shouldn't have paid as much as I did for it. Entire water bill..." I couldn't open my eyes. If I looked at him, I was almost sure I was going to cry. Or he was going to disappear. Because the possibility of _Corpse_ actually being here was...

It seemed so inconceivable. 

Even more so when I felt his warm hand slip up to my face, his thumb tracing my high cheekbone in a ghost-like touch that made me shiver, and his voice speaking in faint softness. "Sy--"

"Worth it though," I was going to melt. I was going to break. My lungs were seizing up again and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to draw another breath with him this close, and it had nothing to do with the flowers. Even in my dreams, when I'd thought about how this moment might play out, I hadn't come anywhere close to this. 

"Sykkuno!" He shouted my name this time, and that alone might have been enough to get me to finally look at him. It was the cough, though, that really did it. I snapped my lids open in instant concern because I _recognized_ the wet, almost feathery cough. It was just as bad as mine, and there was a burst of green tumbling into my face, smelling sweet and salty all at once.

The salt came from the red on his lips, and I couldn't think around the sight of that blood -- how much it must have been hurting him. How much _someone_ must have been hurting him. All thoughts of the fact that I was dying faded away in light of his pain.

"Oh, C-Corpse, Jesus!" I managed to draw in the breath that seemed impossible before. "Who is it? What are you doing here, you need to go tell them before you--"

"Sykkuno!" But I didn't have time to stop. If I stopped, I would end up crumbling at the fact that he was obviously in love with someone and I couldn't... I wouldn't...

"I'm sure whoever they are they'll feel the same once you let them know and--"

"Sykkuno--"

"If they don't we can get you to the doctor and--"

And then there was a stark heat that started at my mouth and instantly shot to my toes, to my scalp, and made my entire body seize up. It flooded my frame in a burst that seared my nerves and left my head spinning... because... impossibly...

Corpse was kissing me. 

It only took a moment for me to lose control, for my muscles to go weak until I spilled against him and moaned softly into his mouth. The only thing that still seemed to have strength was my fingers, and I gripped his dark hoodie like I could somehow crawl inside of him and live in this moment.

This was the _perfect_ moment. 

I couldn't stop the hot flood of tears that were stinging at my eyes any more than I could stop myself from pulling back after a moment. When his fingers spilled forward and plucked one of the green petals off of my lower lip, I could only stare at him in near dumbstruck awe when the corner of his mouth lilted up ever-so-slightly. He was _beautiful._ I'd seen him before over facetime. It was late one night when I'd had a particularly bad day, and he'd called me to check on me -- that had been the first time that I'd coughed more than just a single petal.

Seeing him in person was different -- seeing him with lips painted crimson and sticky with flower petals was just this side of incandescent.

"Uh... uhm... Corpse?" I _thought_ that this meant... but I had to be sure... because I could still feel the flowers in my lungs wanting to finish what they'd started and squeeze the life out of me. And there was still that voice in the back of my head telling me that I wasn't worth this -- that I didn't _do anything_ to make me worth this. "I mean -- maybe you just did that because y-you can see that I'm... uh... that I'm... and I wouldn't blame you if you... but... uh..." 

I couldn't manage the words. I couldn't get out that I needed to hear what he was feeling, what he thought of me. What he really thought of me. 

"I love you." His voice was a warm rush when he confessed, all heat and emotion.

It actually took a moment for my brain to catch up with the thundering, wild sensation that instantly started in my heart. By the time it did, I could feel the tears that I'd been holding back slip down my cheeks, I could feel everything inside of me blossoming and blooming and loosening all at once. I had _never_ thought that he would say those words to me.

I wasn't his type. I wasn't as cool as he was. I wasn't as smooth as he was. I wasn't... I wasn't...

But apparently, I was.

"Y-you... you do?"

"So fuckin' much." He answered me before the question had really left my lips, so our voices lapped over one another in perfect harmony for just a moment. His eyes were wide, wild, almost desperate. I knew what he wanted, what he _needed_ , because I'd seen that look on my own face too many times when I ran to the bathroom during my streams. I could see him trying to sabotage it behind thick lashes and heavy-lidded hues.

I wasn't going to let him.

Even if it meant that I had to screw up my courage one more time; I would do it a thousand times for him.

"C-Corpse. I l-l-love... love you. Love you, too. So much... since we met." My body was shaking and I couldn't stop the cough that ripped from my chest; he still seemed in sync with me. He started coughing too, until a waterfall of petals in black and green cascaded around us and the world felt lighter, better.

Whole.

I couldn't stop myself. I raised my head with a shy, almost needy smile and I pressed my mouth to his again. He'd come here -- he's saved me... and even though I hadn't known he needed it, I'd saved him, too.

**Author's Note:**

> The reference of when Sykkuno saw Corpse's face for the first time is based on   
> [if he was watching](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28779459) <\--- this fic <3 Check it out if you're curious.


End file.
